Depressed in the Bath

Oh, it’s lovely to be depressed in the bath. A shower would wash off the sadness, but in a bath, you can seriously commit to soaking in your misery. Tears, should you be able to shed them, conveniently tumble into bathwater like little buds of Epsom salts. It’s crucial to strike the right balance between a healthy bout of self-pity and all-out despair. Best not to take it too far. Some profound and relevant reflections may include: How unfair life is! How misunderstood we are! How much better things were back then! (They weren’t.) At some point, sorriness will be overwhelmed by shriveledness. Or listlessness. Or chilliness. And then it is time to dry off. We must schedule an hour to feel awful in the bath more often, before returning to dry land, sweet-smelling, with a slight spring in our step.